Saturday 17 September 2022

Criminal Libel

I could not believe my eyes as I read the latest copy of The Badfort News this morning. Our readers will be saddened to hear of another outrage by the Dictator of Homeward. Our esteemed leader, Mr Beaver Hateman, undertook a tour of the tyrant’s properties in order to ascertain the squalid conditions Unc’s tenants are forced to live in. He became lost and wandered accidently into the fierce fat fool’s treasury. He was at once surrounded by a menacing crowd, some of them bearing lethal weapons. He was then sprayed with treacle and almost drowned. Uncle made some offensive accusations and in an effort to escape with his life Mr Hateman managed to find a tunnel to escape down. We call on all citizens to rise and resist to the death - Uncle the Robber of Gangster Castle! I shall indulge in no more fisticuffs with Mister Hateman. It is clear to me that the purpose of this libel is not just to defame me as an individual but to bring institutions into disrepute and thus, in the end, disturb the peace of the community. It is a clear case of Criminal Libel and I have asked the King of the Badgers to bring the full weight of the law against The Badfort News and it's proprietor. I shall see Mister Hateman in court.

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